Sunday, May 19, 2013

On Otherness and the Work of Remembrance



Our newest read for the From Left to Write book club is Anthony's Marra's A Constellation of Vital Phenomena, a powerful first novel set in Chechnya during the beleaguered country's two civil wars of the 1990s. These conflicts, after centuries of invasions by foreign forces, destroyed much of the country and pitted neighbors against neighbor, father against son.

A brilliant and cold surgeon, the last remaining doctor at a nearly deserted city hospital, mourns the disappearance of her beautiful younger sister. Two men of a rural village, once as close as brothers, eye each other with distrust and fear. One has turned informant; the other hides and protects the eight year old daughter of a missing friend the informant has named. The seventy-year old father of the informant, a survivor of World War II and the brutal Russian expulsion of the entire Chechnya population in 1944, struggles with writing and revising his epic history of the Chechnyan people and with his tangled feelings over his son's betrayal of their ancestral village.

The plot skips back and forth in time to reveal the winding paths of the characters as they move through history. An omniscient narrator also offers glimpses into the past and future of minor to minuscule players, such as this comment about the lid of an industrial ice machine for sale in the city bazaar, "Three half brothers, now sixteen, eleven and eight, had been conceived on that steel lid, none yet aware of the others' existence." We read no more about the half brothers. Some of these tiny sub-stories are hopeful, showing young lives continuing for another century, some devastating, such as the page-and-a-half long sentence about two teenaged brothers, buried years apart, but only "an arm's length of dirt" away from each other in the same unmarked grave.

Sound like a challenging read? Obscure? Sad? Sure, all of those, but so worth the work, emotional and intellectual. Marra based the title of his book on a metaphorical description in a medical dictionary of life itself. Experiences of life's essential qualities, not only those that distinguish it from stone, the "organization, irritability, movement," but those that give it intensity: hope and grief, cruelty and compassion, are written here with great understanding, especially from a writer so young.

I read the pages of Constellation describing compound grief and massive loss, loss of sister, brother, father, mother, home, city, country, civilized society and homeland with a sense of gratitude for the words I found for some of my own experiences. The twinges of familiarity are a kind of comfort to me. My loss of family is a story not unusual for a war torn country, but strange in this peaceful suburban landscape where my children are growing up safe and sound.

I've blogged here before about the feeling of otherness that overtakes me at times. I called it my strange landscape. I called it the long loneliness. I wonder how anyone can understand and I cherish those dear friends brave enough to try.

My new family, my husband and my two daughters, bring me joy, peace and purpose. They know Mommy is different, though, and their healing love will not stop my occasional feelings of being on the outside looking in, nor stay the moment of introspection during the toasts at a wedding, nor prevent the wince inside while I smile at a friend's story of spending time with her sister or brother.

In Marra's book, the work of remembrance is essential and good and saving for those left behind. Akhmed, the worst doctor in the village but its only doctor and so also its best, paints portraits of friends and neighbors taken away in the dead of night and hangs the paintings in the streets, on fences, in the forest.

For those missing that he never knew, he draws portraits from the descriptions of their families. His adopted daughter keeps souvenirs of the refugees who stay in her bedroom before traveling on to an uncertain future. Before the doctor's sister disappears, she draws the view of a city from memory on the boards that cover a bombed out window.

This work is done out of enduring love; this work is done from reverence. This work is a kind of communication known to be one-way, but sent nonetheless.

This spring I choose the commemorative trees, the tallest elm I could find for my parents, a white redbud for my brother and sister, that will be planted in the park across the street from the yellow brick house where we lived together in LaGrange, Illinois. I composed the words for the bronze plaques. "In loving memory."


Ronald James Fey, Sr.
July 18, 1931 - March 23, 1969


Bernadette Marie Fey
December 19, 1933 - March 23, 1969

 

Christopher Michael Fey
January 31, 1962 - August 6, 1976

Nancy Margaret Fey
September 26, 1966 - August 6, 1976

You can read more responses to Marra's book at From Left to Write. Click here for an NPR interview with Anthony Marra where he reads an excerpt from his book. The bloggers receive an advance copy of the book with no obligation.


Saturday, May 11, 2013

But It Looked So Good In My Mind



Storm Large is my idol. (Or one! One! of my idols! Please don't feel usurped DollyJoniRickyLeePattySmith!) And this video has the feel of how great I feel on a good karaoke night, like a couple of weeks ago at The Rock House when our mom group and the employees were the last ones in the house at 9:30 and "House of the Rising Sun" just rolled out of throat like pouring honey.

The fun was only made better by Karen Holmberg's hilarious story of her middle school dance troop making up an original routine to the Animals' original.

"You didn't know it was about a brothel?" I asked, laughing.

"We wore matching t-shirts with suns on them."

Imagination and optimism are powerful things. I've seen and heard the video evidence to the contrary, but my songs always look so good in my head that I can't stop trying.







Friday, April 26, 2013

He Stopped Loving Her Today



I've wept to this song so many times, one more time today for good ol' George who gave me my first sip of the intoxicating cocktail of old time country's pathos and cornpone that always makes my belly shake with laughing and sobbing in equal measure.

Oh, that tale of unrepentant endless love. Oh, that midpoint spoken soliliquy over the sweet coos of the background singers. And George's endless stare -- was it a result of all those bottles, all those pills, all those divorces, all those years missing Tammy?

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Spring Fever

That warmish, shivery, frenzied, discombobulated fever that the cruelest month gives you.

When you need to console yourself in the face of senatorial lunacy by believing that we will write AND PASS even better, stronger gun control legislation next time without the giant loophole of excluding background checks for sales to "friends."

When your neighbor's giant piles of black trashbags next to the curb remind you to peek down the basement stairs to see if water seeped in during the epic storm, then close the door slowly and back away.

When we feel celebratory over a bloody capture.

When taking solace in entertainment leaves you sitting on the couch mesmerized and terrified by the brutality of Top of the Lake, Jane Campion's spooky crime mini-series that is Twin Peaks meets Deliverance in breathtaking New Zealand.

When you get only a tiny laugh out of realizing Valley Girl, Say Anything and The Graduate are all the same movie. Boy meets Girl, Boy loses Girl, Boy goes to extremes to win back Girl, Boy and Girl sit side by side in the movie's final shot, lost in their own thoughts, traveling into an unsure future.







Saturday, March 23, 2013

What I Loved About My First McKenzie Variety Show


Certainly not the week of withdrawal afterward, when you go back to the real world and catch up on sleep and try to scrub the makeup stains out of your washcloths and laugh at all the videos and photos posted by your castmates and really miss all the fun we had.

Winning the Newbie award, of course, was a sky high point. Nicole Boomgaarden, who won last year, wrote me a poem and passed on the prize, a purloined little leprechaun statue (coincidence! OR WAS IT?) and the Thursday night crowd at Red Tomato cheered me on until I had to yell at them to shut up or they'd make me even more of a ham. Then George Rafeedie, my skit partner in crime and fellow backstage troublemaker, got the guy's Newbie! And then Greg Mayer, sweetest guy ever, gets a Special Newbie award just for being so great, for walking around backstage with a meat and cheese tray, for squeaking a hilarious leprechaun accent, for nailing a killer "What I Like About You" harmonica solo. Every. Single. Show.

There was the sweetest compliment from Scott Radke, who also played a puppy in Carrie Dolan's "Every Dog is Wishing For His Best Friend" from "Everybody's Working for the Weekend," (oh, admit it, you loved that Loverboy song when it was on the radio by the hour in 1981.) Anyway, what Scott said (in the nicest possible way) was, "You're not regular," and it may sound weird but I so appreciated it.

And Anne Edmondson as Lady Gaga calling out, "I shoulda worn my meat dress!" during "I'm A Rock Star"/"Rockin' the Casbah." Anne was a hoot in the dressing room too, keeping us laughing as we were frantically changing costumes or just killing time.

And the sweet retro pleasure of smiling tap dancers in pink raincoats swaying to "Pennies From Heaven."

And the perfectly less-is-more choreography of "1, 2, 3, 4, I Wish Math Was Not a Bore," a great song turned into something even better and more memorable than the original (sorry, Feist! Love you!)

And singing to a live band! The Fairy Godfathers of Soul brought it and you couldn't help feeling like a rock star, even dressed in jammies and warbling "I'm scared of monsters in the closet!" to the tune of Maroon 5's "Payphone."

And my Mia saying that she was a little mad that I waited until her fourth and last year at McKenzie to do the show.

Of course there were the screaming cheers at the end of every show and the soothing bath of hot stage lights from above and at the cast party, the crazy dancing and bad karaoke and OMG, CRAVE BARS.

But the best moment, really, was when the tiny boy, half the height of my little Nora, walked up to me during the after-show autograph signing and said, "I liked the part when you were funny."

Oh my heart just melted out of my chest and dripped into a big puddle of mushy love on the floor. I get all verklempt right now, just thinking about it.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Variety Is The Spice of Life

Clifford the Big Red Dog gives me a doggie nose before our big song and dance number.

Busy, busy, too busy to write, exhausted when the kids wake me at what feels like three in the morning but is really almost time for school only five minutes to make their lunches and hustle them into coathatbootsgloves and out the door, yelling after them, "Be kind! Take the high road! Make me proud" before I collapse back in bed for half an hour of swirling mind overflowing with To Dos and costume details and key changes and tricky harmonic intervals and the Girl Scout events that I refused to reschedule into a less crazy time of March just because I will not say Can't even though I barely Can.

The overcast days are hard but when the stage lights go on, I'm finally warm. Two dance and sing numbers in the elementary school Variety Show, plus the all-cast opener and closer plus three scenes of a goofy skit where I mug shamelessly and do great violence to the Irish dialect.

I'm in a musical! My favorite art form, where imagination takes artifice as plausible and bright happy illusions are accepted as true for a few brief bars of music.